


Uncle Hans

by youregorgeouswaitwhat



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Married Couple, and hans' bro wants to bang, idk anna says the word tramp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youregorgeouswaitwhat/pseuds/youregorgeouswaitwhat
Summary: Hans shares an evening with the girl he loves most- his niece.
Relationships: Anna & Hans (Disney), Anna/Hans (Disney)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Uncle Hans

The Arendelle dance hall was full of music, cheer, and laughter, but Hans and Anna were stuck listening (or at least pretending to listen) to some duke from Corona drone on about the various flora and fauna of their kingdom. As Hans scanned the room, he caught the eye of a young girl, no older than seven, with a mess of ginger curls atop her head and a blue dress that had more bows on it than there were people in the ballroom. The girl grinned at him, revealing several missing teeth, and Hans returned the expression, his eyes lighting up. Hans placed his hand on the duke’s shoulder. “Pardon me, but there’s someone I simply have to go speak to.”

Before the duke even had a chance to respond, Hans stepped past him and looked back only to mouth a “sorry” to his rather exasperated wife, and quickly began to make his way towards the girl. Once in front of her, he bowed deeply, and extended his hand with a flourish. “My dear Princess Astrid, I have been admiring you from afar all night, and after several hours of angst-filled torment, I have finally plucked up the courage to speak to you. May I have this dance?” The princess laughed and swatted his hand away playfully. “Uncle Hans, you’re a huge dork!” Hans straightened his back and placed his hand over his heart, a hurt expression on his face. “A huge dork? I’m offended, Astrid. I thought we had established I was just a regular dork.” Astrid snorted, then attempted to give him a sweeping curtsy, but promptly fell over. “I guess I’m a dork too, so I’ll still dance with you.” She lifted her arms, and Hans swept her up, immediately falling into a flawless waltz. Astrid shrieked with laughter as Hans whirled her around, her feet kicking wildly in the air.

“Faster, Uncle Hans! Spin faster!”

“Astrid, my dear, if we spin any faster I’m afraid your legs will chop off the other dancers’ heads.”

“They deserve it,” she whispered conspiratorially. “They’re dumb and no fun. We’ll take over all their kingdoms and spin as fast as we want!” Hans threw his head back and laughed. “I’m not sure that the need for faster dancing merits such blatant treason. Besides, you’ll be queen of some far-away land soon enough, and there we’ll be able to spin as fast as we want.”

Astrid smiled dreamily, and Hans lowered her down so her tiny feet were situated on top of his boots. They continued to dance, even though Astrid had been given heels for this particular dance, and the points were digging into Hans’ toes quite mercilessly. “Why do you have these gold fringe-y things?” she asked, squinting at the tassels on Hans’s shoulders. “They’re called epaulettes. If you go to war, and fight valiantly, they give them to you.” Astrid looked sad. “I wish I could go to war and get some pop-o-lets, they’re so pretty.”

“You don’t want to go to war, I’m sure of that,” Hans said, suddenly stern, and almost… angry. He glanced down at Astrid, who looked taken aback. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound… like that,” said Hans guiltily. “Tell you what. After the song ends, I’ll take you back to my room and you can see all of my epaulettes. Maybe you can even try some on.” He winked at Astrid, who began to bounce up and down excitedly. “Now, now, let’s go now!” Astrid dragged a chuckling Hans as fast as she could towards her red-faced father, who had a goblet of mead in each hand. “Daddy! Can I go see Uncle Hans’ loppolets?”

The man glanced at Astrid with a hazy-eyed smile. “Sure kiddo, do whatever ya want!” Hans tightened his grip on Astrid’s hand. “Good to see you again, Dominick. Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yessir. You sure married into the -hic- right kingdom. They’ve got wonderful food, wonderful drink…”

“I’m glad you think so highly of our goods,” said Hans curtly.

“Come ON Uncle Hans, I want to wear the POPPLES!”

With a final nod to his brother, Hans hoisted Astrid onto his back, and made his way towards the door. He made eye contact with Anna, who was still trapped in conversation with the duke, and Hans could only shrug sheepishly in response to her penetrating stink-eye.

Hans’ room was quite aways from the dance hall, and by the time he had ascended the fourth flight of stairs he could feel his spine beginning to ache. “Astrid, is it alright if you walk the rest of the way? My back is hurting a bit.” She slid off him and landed with a small thud on the carpet floor, then looked up at the prince.

“Are you getting old, Uncle Hans?”

Hans stared at her with mock disbelief. “Old? Me? Astrid, you know that I’m an immortal god.”

Astrid gave a small giggle. “We used to play together all the time, but then you left and got married, and now your back is hurting like an old person’s does…”

Hans stared at his boots as they walked.

“Astrid… I didn’t realize-”

“Oooh, is this your room?” The somber look on the child’s face disappeared when she peered into a door and saw the four-poster bed with the elaborate canopy. Hans nodded, and she immediately launched herself on to the neatly-made bed. “Time for the popples!” she crowed.

Hans went to his closet and opened the box that held all of his military decorations, selecting a particularly ostentatious pair that had beads and feathers accompanying the traditional fringe. He placed them on to Astrid’s shoulders, then took her hands and brought them to rest on the ornamentations.

“Now, we don’t have anything to attach them to on your dress, so you’ll have to hold on to them, okay?”

Astrid strutted in front of the mirror, shaking her shoulders and watching the fringe and feathers swing in glee. “I am the best fighter! I am the best soldier ever! I am Uncle Hans! Fear meee!”

“Don’t go stealing my identity now!”

Astrid turned and tackled Hans onto the bed, kissing him on the forehead. “I wanna be just like you when I grow up, Uncle Hans. Strong, and brave, and kind…”

Hans put his hand on the little girl’s face. “You shouldn’t want that, Astrid. I’m…”

He sighed heavily before smiling again.

“You shouldn’t want to be me because you should want to be you. You are perfect, and wonderful, and my favorite little girl in the whole wide world.” He rubbed his nose against hers, and they lay there on the bed for a while before a knock on the door disturbed them. Hans rose from the bed to open it, and was greeted by the stench of alcohol mixed with a nightmarish perfume; his brother, and his brother’s wife.

“Hey, runt, would you mind watching Astrid for the night?” Dominick slurred, clapping a hand roughly on Hans’ shoulder. “The wife and I want to- y’know.” Dominick then began to laugh uproariously, while his wife averted her eyes. Hans nodded wordlessly. “There’s good ol’ Hans, always willing to help out. Whatta guy.” Hans closed the door, and after a few moments the sounds of vomiting and more laughter filled the hall. “Was that daddy and mommy?” said Astrid sleepily. “Yes. You get to stay with me for tonight.”

“Yayyyy, sleepover.”

Hans picked up the epaulettes (which had fallen on the floor), and placed them carefully back into their box. Astrid had already made a nest for herself in the bed, and she was rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Are you tired, Astrid?”

Astrid nodded.

Hans lifted the girl out of the makeshift blanket fort to unbutton the frilly dress, leaving her in a simple white shift. Astrid fell back onto the bed, and fluffed the pillows a bit before slumping into the pile of bedclothes. Hans had begun to remove his gloves and cravat when the door opened once more, to reveal his wife, who looked exhausted but was smiling anyway. Hans went to embrace her, and she stood on her tiptoes to put her lips to his ear. “You left me to that duke and I come back to find another woman in your bed? You’re such a tramp.” Hans rolled his eyes before leading Anna over to the drowsy princess. “Astrid, dear, this is your Aunt Anna.”

“Auntie Nanamama.”

Anna knelt on the floor so she was face-to-face with the young princess. “Hello, sweetie. Your Uncle Hans has told me a lot about you.”

“You’re pretty.”

Anna beamed. “Thank you, sweetie. So are you.”

Hans glanced at Astrid and then to his wife. “I guess we’ve got another guest with us tonight.”

Anna kissed Hans once more before nodding. “That’s fine with me.”

After removing some of their more uncomfortable royal garments, they both got into bed on either side of Astrid. Astrid immediately put her arms around Hans’ neck to bring him closer, and Hans reached across the little girl to pull Anna in as well. The ball had tired the trio out, and the warmth from the snuggling lulled them even closer to slumber. The last thing Hans heard before sleep took him was a whisper from his wife.

“We’ve got to get ourselves one of these.”

**Author's Note:**

> A link to fanart of Astrid by a friend! https://loveisanopendoortohell.tumblr.com/post/67500130691/a-little-doodle-that-ill-finish-later-but-anyway


End file.
